How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Saw Them When They Were Good!

Well, Greg Wiggles is leaving the Wiggles. At least I was able to see them earlier in the year with their original lineup. So if any of you suckers go see them now, it’ll be like seeing Van Halen with Gary Cherone. So lame.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Adopt Me Too!

I hate people. At least most of the time. The thing that’s bothering me now is the whole Madonna adoption thing. People are pissed because they think she’s getting special treatment in her adoption of the Malawi boy. You know what? She probably is. And you know what, who gives a shit?!?!? Really. What do you think is best for the kid and will give him a better life? Living with a rich lady or living in poverty in Africa? And I don’t even like Madonna, but seriously, this kid has to be PISSED right now that people are trying to prevent him from getting adopted by her. I would want to be adopted by her, even with her faux-English accent. The kid’s dad even wants her to adopt him. So people really need to mind their own fucking business and not get involved in something that will make a kid’s life much better. Fuckin’ people!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Everclear = Our Nation's Independence

I think Everclear is the perfect radio band for me. I like them, but I don’t own any Everclear albums and don’t really feel the need. I think it’s because they get played about the perfect amount on the radio. Whenever I hear an Everclear song on the radio, I am pleased. And when the song is done, I’m fine. I don’t have a desire to listen to them more than that. Yet, if it was some station’s “Four Play Weekend” and they played four Everclear songs in a row, I’d be kinda excited about it. Maybe Everclear is the musical equivalent of the Fourth of July to me. You see, I never really look forward to the Fourth of July, yet it always ends up being a great day. But I’m not sad when it’s over either. And I never look forward to a song when the deejay says, “Coming up after the break, it’s Everclear.” Yet, if I keep the station tuned in and I hear “Santa Monica” or some other Everclear song, I’m pretty happy. So basically what I’m saying is that I hope Everclear is playing a concert around her next Fourth of July.

Monday, November 27, 2006

My Long Holiday Weekend

My extended weekend went like this:

Wednesday night we went to the Uptown Theater in KCMO and saw my sister-in-law’s boyfriend’s band, Red Line Chemistry, perform. We had a really good time, and they were really good. I was impressed. Good show! Check them out if you get the chance.

Thursday was a good day. We went over to the in-laws’ house for our Thanksgiving meal. I played outside with the boy for a while until we ate, but Doncock and I had to leave at 2:30 PM to go work the game. So our time there was brief, but it was nice nonetheless. The game was good in that the Chiefs won, but the halftime entertainment was about as expected when the artist played songs that came out at the latest four years before I was born. Nothing against John Fogerty, but it’s kinda lame to have him as your “exciting half-time entertainment” when he was at his peak thirty years ago. Someone more contemporary would have been nice. Like Loverboy.

Friday and Saturday were pretty uneventful, as on Friday night I went to the 75th Street Brewery with some friends, and then Saturday night we went to some friends’ house for game night, although I just watched my kid and took him home early when he was getting tired.

Yesterday was a lot of yard work. Cleaning the gutters and hopefully the last of the leaves that I’ll be doing. I was beat after that. Pretty much worthless, to be honest. More so than usual. Besides helping to clean my kid’s shitty pants, I did very little once I was done in the yard. I was in bed before 9:30 PM. And that was my weekend.

Oh, and I weighed 206 pounds this morning, so I’m down 20 and 7 short of my goal to be under 200 by January 1st. Just so you know that I’m still working on it.

I hope you had a great holiday. Talk to you tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

I don't have much else to say, really. I just hope you have a great weekend. And remember to watch the Thanksgiving night game to see an exciting halftime show starring the one and only John Fogerty, who will be playing hits from as recently as 1970! It'll be the best time ever!

Love you!

Friday, November 17, 2006

What To Watch

My pal Just Rose asked in the comments yesterday, “What's good on tv?” So here’s what I’ve been watching lately:

“The Office” – Probably the one comedy that I have to watch every week. It helps that I work in an office where I see people who are similar to the characters on the show. But this is probably the second funniest show on TV right now. Best show on broadcast television.

“Breaking Bonaduce” – I am 100% serious about this: this is the one show that I HAVE to watch. It’s the most fascinating show on TV, in my opinion. It is riveting, because it looks like at any time Danny could either: a) kill himself; b) kill someone else; or c) both. And the thing is, I don’t like any of the people on the show. He’s a douchebag. His wife is a major bitch (which is understandable considering she’s married to him, but she really does suck). The therapist looks like David Gest and is creepy-looking like a child molester. I seriously think that if everyone watched this show for one episode, they’d be hooked. Especially from last season. I know no one doesn’t really want to watch some former child star in his reality show, but it is unlike the other celebrity reality shows. This guy has genuine problems, and they don’t have to deal with spoiled kids wanting to be stars like “The Osbournes” and “Hogan Knows Best.” His kids actually seem okay, which is probably why they don’t get a lot of camera time. This isn’t a feel-good show at all. It just makes you realize that when you’re life really seems fucked up, that it’s not nearly as fucked up as his. Not even close.

“Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” and “30 Rock” – I’m not putting these down because they both deal with the off-camera aspects of a “Saturday Night Live”-like show. I’m putting it down because I’ve been watching them both since they debuted (to much hype) and they’re okay, but nothing too good. Sometimes they have great moments, but most of the time they’re all over the place. Yet, I’m sticking with them. For now at least. They’ll both probably not last more than a season anyway, but maybe the good moments will be more frequently.

“The Soup” – This is the funniest show on TV right now. And I would say that this is the show to watch if you don’t watch anything else during the week. I think everyone should watch it. You can catch up on most of pop culture in a half hour, and it’s the funniest thing you’ll see. I think sometimes I could be a writer for this show, but then they pull some shit out that makes me realize that I have no talent at all. If you watch this show and don’t laugh at least once, you’re dead on the inside. Or maybe just have no sense of humor at all.

Well, I think those are the only shows I Tivo for myself. I also watch “South Park” but their season is now over. And I watch reruns of “Seinfeld” and “Family Guy,” and watch “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “The Colbert Report” when I think of it. So besides sports, that’s about it. Hope you’ll watch one, if not all of the shows.

Have a great weekend. I’m taking a week of from doing the leaves, so you’ll have to wait on more exciting leaves reporting. And I might not have anything on here until Wednesday, because I’m going to be away from a decent computer for a day and a half. But I’ll try. I’ll miss you.

My Kid, Rocking The Show As Blue



My kid, rocking the show as Blue, not a member of the Bloodhound Gang.

(Click the video to get the reference)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

He's A Bad Man

I didn’t watch “Dancing with the Stars” at all, but there’s no way Emmitt Smith could be a better dancer than Slater. There’s just no way. Not even “The Sprain” would be able to overcome Slater’s skills. I’m not saying I’m pissed or anything, but seriously, that show has no credibility at all. Crappy.

If there was ever any doubt, O.J. Simpson is one of the five worst people in the world. Just reiterating that after hearing about his book, “"If I Did It," in which he discusses what he would have done “if” he would have killed his ex-wife and her boyfriend. Not only do I find him a horrible person, but I think the publishers are going straight to hell too. Freaking insane!

That’s all I’ve got. Any ideas on stuff for me to write about, please comment in the “comments” section and I’ll try. Otherwise, I’ll try to have something for you tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Not That There's Anything Wrong With A Guy-On-Guy Massage

I got my haircut today at the fancy schmancy salon I go to (I’m friends with the girl who cuts my hair). When I went inside and checked in, I was offered a free chair massage by some dude while I waited since I was early. I didn’t think twice in saying, “No thanks.” I don’t know if that makes me some degree of a homophobe or not, but that was just not going to happen. I’m all about getting a nice massage from a woman, but I have no interest at all in getting one by a guy. Not that I’m afraid that I’ll get a woody or anything, but I just don’t think I could relax with some dude rubbing me down. And I’m pretty sore too. I could have used the massage. But I don’t think it would have helped me much. Especially because “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” by Culture Club was playing on the radio. Yeah, that didn’t help.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Random Shit

I don’t have a whole lot to offer you today. Because I really don’t care much about Tom Cruise marrying Katie Holmes because Tom Cruise really hasn’t made a movie that I really liked since “Risky Business.” Actually, that might be the only one. I guess “A Few Good Men” was okay if you like over-acting. And sometimes I do. Katie Holmes doesn’t really do it for me, although I must admit I’ve never seen “The Gift.” I think I just saw a pic of her once with a really bad cold sore and ever since I haven’t been a fan. Plus I can’t think of anything she’s been in that I’ve seen. So basically I don’t have a whole lot to say about that.

The Anna Nicole Smith thing just disturbs me. Not just that her kid died. Not even that she made a life commitment or whatever the fuck she did to the non-shock jock Howard Stern, who is a douchebag. I think I just really hate when adult women talk baby talk to non-babies. I hate that. And she does that a lot. So no C-section footage for me, please.

I think I’m gonna join the club and sue the makers of “Borat” too. It just seems like the hip thing to do, like the ’06 version of fucking Madonna. I just need a good reason to. The best I have so far is that it almost made me piss my pants, but I don’t think I’d get more than $3 for that. Oh well….I’ll keep thinking.

Have a great day.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I'm Pretty Special

This weekend I was kinda taken aback. You see, my wife and friend Timmy threw a birthday party for me at a local brewpub. And a shit-load of people showed up. I was floored. There were probably over 30 people there for my birthday, and I was shocked that that many people would show for that. Granted, the place is pretty cool and my wife reserved “the nest,” a loft upstairs, so we could all be to ourselves, so maybe it wasn’t so much for me as it was a chance to get out and have some good beers on a Saturday night. But anyway, I felt really good about that. Overwhelmed even. I have a lot of great friends and they made me feel pretty good. So I guess I need to stop saying that everyone hates me now. Everyone but about 30 people hate me.

I did more yard work on Saturday, but this time my friend Timmy told me a secret about getting the leaves. He told me to mulch it first, and then go back over it again and bag it. We had even more leaves than we did the previous week, and it took me about four hours and 22 bags to finish it. Well, following the Timmy method, I was done in about a little over three hours and only 12 bags. I actually got compliments from my neighbor’s too about how good of I job I did. I was feeling pretty good about myself. Until Sunday morning (and not just because of my hangover). I looked outside, and sure enough, there were plenty of new leaves on the ground. So you can expect another leave-picking-up story next Monday. I’m sure you can’t wait.

Friday, November 10, 2006

A Little Prick

You wanna know what’s stupid? Taking your kid to get a flu shot and letting him or her know that you’re taking him or her to get a flu shot. That’s just dumb. You’re just gonna make your kid freak out. I’m 32, and I wouldn’t want to know I was getting a flu shot. Granted, I’m much more of a pussy than most four year olds, but I’m sure they’d freak out less not knowing what was coming. Anyway, my kid was surprisingly really good about it last night. I think he’d do it again, just to get the green lollipop that he got when we left. But never, never, never, never, never would I tell my kid what was coming until we got into the room. Maybe I’m a dick, but that’s what I’d have to do. For my head.

Anyway, I don’t have much else to say. It’ll be a weekend of yard work, as the 22 bags of leaves I mulched last week will easily be beaten this weekend. I hate trees. I want to kick the shit out of all trees. At least in the fall. I hate them. Well, have a great weekend, and I’ll write down some more boring shit for you to read on Monday.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

R.I.P. Ed!

I’m kinda sad Ed Bradley has died. I sorta liked the guy. Even with the earring. The thing that I don’t get though is how did he go before Mike Wallace, Morley Safer, and Andy Rooney? I mean, he easily looked to be in the best shape of them all. I know he died of leukemia, but I’m really more shocked that he went before the others. I’d probably even have picked Leslie Stahl in the “60 Minutes” dead pool before Ed. Anyway, I thought I’d just say that I’ll miss old Ed.

I was thinking about what was the least shocking celebrity news of the week. Most of you are probably thinking that it’s Britney filing for divorce from K-Fed (by the way, I love it that the press is now calling him Fed-Ex). I think you’re wrong! Not even the divorce of Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon is up there. To me, it has to be that Daniel Baldwin got arrested again. This time, for stealing a car. I guess the shocking part is that it wasn’t for drugs or something drug-related. So maybe he really is improving himself. Someday Stephen’s gonna have to show him God, like he found. And you know it’s sad when you can look to Stephen Baldwin as a role model. Poor, poor Daniel.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Only Negative I See About "Borat" Is The Thousands Of Douchebags Who Will Be Imitating Him For Years Like They Did With Austin Powers

First off, go see “Borat” when you get the chance. It is fucking hilarious. One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time, which I know doesn’t say much considering how few movies I’ve gone to see lately. But go see it. You’ll be glad you did. Unless you’re just some giant prick who has no sense of humor. In that case, just go fist your neighbor’s cat.

So Election Day has come and gone, and I’m kinda sad. Just because there’s plenty to write about. And I know I’ve written about this before, but I just don’t get why people put political signs on their lawn. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never seen a political sign in the lawn of someone and thought, “Wow, the crazy cat lady with the wooden cut-out of the fat chick bending over in her garden likes Angus Lattimore for City Commissioner! Maybe I should vote for Angus too!” That doesn’t really sway my vote. Not even the sign in the meth house down the block proclaiming their allegiance to Bumfuck Jones as County Clerk will make me vote for good old Bumfuck. So I just think it’s a waste of paper. Oh, and if you call me to vote for so-and-so, I’m voting the other way. Although actually, that’d be a good way to get me to vote for your candidate, pretending to get me to vote for the other person. Hmm….I’ll have to rethink my strategy on this. My one person, half-hearted, semi-protest might need to be retooled. I guess I’ll just let you know what I decide for the 2008 election. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

This Is Late, But I Can Explain

Sorry about this entry. I had issues with the computer where I usually update this site. And today, I wasn't able to WORK on that computer. And now that I finally can update it (and not from my place of business because that would get me in trouble from the adult tattle tails (or is it "tales")), I will WORK on it quickly. And well, I guess that's it. So sorry. I hope you had/have a great day. I should have something better tomorrow.

Later, bitches!

Monday, November 06, 2006

NPH Is What?!?!?!?

This weekend went really fast. Friday night we went to the mall so the kid could play, and then later I met some friends out for drinks. Saturday morning/afternoon I worked a boring D-II football game, and then went to some friends’ house for dinner. Sunday, it was working in the yard mulching 22 bags of leaves, and then spent last night at the in-laws’ for a birthday dinner. Pretty exciting stuff, I know.

I’m still in shock about Neil Patrick Harris being gay! I’m not disappointed or upset, although I’m worried about his career. Especially since his two highest profile roles lately were poon-scamming guys (especially playing “Neil Patrick Harris” in “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”). Hopefully he can keep going along getting roles like that, but who knows. Although Tom Cruise still does, so maybe there’s a chance.

Have a great week!

Friday, November 03, 2006

When I Drink An IPA, My Pee Really Smells Hoppy The Next Day

I think I’m gonna get to go see “Borat” next week. So I’m pretty excited, as the last movie I saw in the theater was “Failure to Launch” and that really fucking blew sack. And if Borat is half as funny as I think it’s gonna be (and as it’s built up to be), I’ll be happy. I really like Sasha Baron Cohen’s whole Andy Kaufmann-esque persona of being interviewed in character, never as Sasha Baron Cohen. I wasn’t a huge fan of “Da Ali G Show” when I saw the one episode I saw, but maybe I need to give it another shot. Anyway, that’s my exciting news about my future plans.

I went out to a bar last night to watch the first KU game of the season and the West Virginia/Louisville game. I also sang “Hold On” again (sorry, Doncock, that I sang it without you). When the song was done, I told the bar, “Suicide is not the answer,” and then told some random chick at a table while I was walking back to mine, “We’ll make it through this. Just hold on and things will be okay. You have so much to live for!” (She actually laughed much more than I would have imagined, since it really isn’t that funny.) I also had a few glasses of Free State Ad Astra. So when I took a piss this morning, my piss smelled a little like Ad Astra. And I don’t really know why, but that made me smile. Just like when a bird shits on a loud, arrogant businessman’s suit. Yep, just like that.

On that nonsensical note, have a great weekend. Kisses to all!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Tell Me What I Want!!!!

Anyone have any suggestions for what I want for my birthday? I’ve said I wanted work shirts, but I don’t want work pants because I’ve lost 16 pounds so far and I’d like to lose about 15-20 more (at least) so hopefully my waistline will keep shrinking. And I’m really worried that someone’s gonna buy me something like a K-Fed CD or something, and no one wants that. Especially me, since he’ll get royalties on it. That’d be wrong. So any ideas would be appreciated.

Oh, and I already have a kegerator, which is the best gift any woman can buy a man. In fact, a friend of mine bought her boyfriend one for his birthday last week, and yeah, he thinks it’s the greatest gift too. As do all his friends. So that’s my word of advice for any woman looking to buy the perfect gift for her man. Kegerator. Fantastic. Can’t do any better than that.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Move On Already!!!!

Almost every day when I walk into work I walk past an SUV that has a couple of anti-Bush bumper stickers on it. Normally, I wouldn’t think twice about it because I don’t really have a super-strong feeling either way about Bush (at least that I’ll write about), but one of them says something to the effect of “Mission Not Accomplished” and then has a line that says “MoveOn.org.” It also says something to do with voting Bush out of office in ’04. So I find that funny. Someone has a bumper sticker for the website “MoveOn.org” yet the sticker references the ’04 election. It makes me laugh because I find it hypocritical since they can’t move on themselves. But that’s just me.