How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Maybe Jolie Is Related To Hans Gruber?

It’s not often that I wake up and remember my dream, but today I did. Or at least a part of it I remember. It was a really strange one too. Basically, I was kidnapped by Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie (who had bad acne and weird scars, by the way), and their cronies, and they forced me to go to an amusement park and into the back of a roller coaster. Although, this wasn’t an ordinary roller coaster, or at least not one I had ever seen or heard of before; it was more like a small train compartment without any seats or even a bench in it. It was probably an eight feet by eight feet by eight feet enclosed compartment, and they put me in there with three other people (one guy and two women), all of whom looked familiar yet whose names I never knew. They’re probably people that I’ve seen several times before, like former co-workers or someone who used to play volleyball against me, but basically they were people who I never knew by name. Anyway, they threw us all into this roller coaster compartment, and we all were blind-folded and forced to try to stand on this roller coaster as it spun around and went upside-down and whatever other crazy shit roller coasters do (I couldn’t tell you exactly what this one did because I was blind-folded, remember!!!). So the first time we went around, everything was fine. We all were able to brace ourselves, and it wasn’t that bad. They came in to check on us, and Jolie yelled, “Again!” in some German accent like she was part of the “Die Hard” terrorist crew. So we did it again, and we were fine. Again, the Brangelina gang came to check on us, and apparently we pissed them off by still standing up and being fine. So then they made us do it another time, except this time Jolie told us that we had to do the entire roller coaster three times in a row. Well, this time, some shit happened. Literally. About 20 seconds into it, the other guy lost it and puked. Unfortunately, it was all over me. This started a puking chain reaction like in “Stand by Me.” Surprisingly, I was the last of the group to throw up, which I was sort of proud of because I get motion sickness, and if this were real life, I would have thrown up probably within 30 seconds of the first blind-folded run around the track. Although then things got much worse. One of the women shit her pants because of this (although I’m pretty sure crapping yourself isn’t a result of motion sickness), and for some reason, we all started shitting ourselves. It was pretty fucking gross. Finally, after a while (which was apparently three consecutive runs), they stopped and they checked us out again. All four of us were covered in puke, shit, and bruises, which happened because the vomiting and shitting prevented us from bracing ourselves and we were thrown all over the car smashing into each other and the sides of the car. They brought us out of the roller coaster and removed our blind-folds, and then they all were beaming with pride at what they had done to us. They told us that we were free to go, but we had to walk through the entire amusement park in front of everyone, all of who were laughing at us. Then I woke up.

I am not sure what all this means (although if you’re going to go the Dane Cook route and say that it means I’m gay, I’ve already thought of it). Basically, I just thought it was a fucked up dream, and thought it was cool that this was the dream I actually remembered when I woke up, even if I did puke and shit myself. It is a lot more interesting than some dream where I have no pants or am falling off a cliff, don’t you think? Or maybe I should just quit huffing spray paint before I go to bed.

I hope you have a great weekend. I’ll check in with you next week. Love ya!


  • At 6:14 AM, Anonymous Timmy said…

    I don't think it means you're gay, you're just way in to Asian porn and it shows up in your dreams. That, and you hope to be forced in to bondage by a German Brangelina.

  • At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ...forced into bondage and shit on by an german bangelina...hello hot carl!!!!



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