How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

S.T.A.P.S.I.A.J.

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I am sorry for that. I have been busy. We moved to a new building at work, and a bunch of other things have taken my time on top of that. Plus, with me training people at work and my kid’s birthday, an out of town wedding this weekend to get ready for, and a host of other things, I’ve been swamped. Well, that’s not all entirely true. I also don’t have a whole lot of interesting things to write about. I mean, getting my dogs groomed, doing yard work, and working soccer matches aren’t exactly interesting reads. But let’s see what I can do.

I bought Patton Oswalt’s CD a few weeks ago (Feelin’ Kinda Patton), and I think it is fantastic. It’s done a few things for me. It made me go out and buy Robert Evans’ autobiography The Kid Stays in the Picture and read it (all 462 pages) in about a week and a half. That says a lot for someone who isn’t a big reader like I am not. And it was a pretty interesting book to say the least, and I think anyone who’s interested in the movie-making business would be interested in reading about someone who made famous movies (“The Godfather” and “Chinatown” to name a few) and name drops like no one else I’ve ever known, read, or heard before. The other thing the CD made me do was quote it a lot. And I mean, A LOT. While there are many good quotes, my favorite actually has to do with the Robert Evans portion of his act. He has a bit about when Evans was doing promos for ESPN. He pretended he was Evans when he talked, and it went something like this: “Back was I was producing “The Godfather”, I had a Jacuzzi installed in my trailer that I put apple juice put in everyday. Do you know how sweet Diane Keaton’s pussy tastes after it’s been soaked in apple juice? Well, it’s not as sweet as the action you’ll see this weekend on ESPN!” Well, to me, that’s pretty damn funny. So my favorite thing to say now is that something is “sweeter than a pussy soaked in apple juice!” The problem is that it is hard to find the proper place to say that line. So sometimes I have to take what I can, and on Easter we were playing “Catch Phrase” at my in-laws house after lunch. The game was going along, and when it came to me, the word was “Apple Juice”. Well naturally, I just started laughing. A lot. No one knew why. Eventually I said to Doncock, who is familiar with the CD, “This is what Robert Evans puts in his Jacuzzi.” Needless to say, he said, “Apple juice” right away and no one in the room had any idea how he got that so quickly. And I didn’t want to have to explain it to them (so hopefully they will read this and I won’t ever have to). And the second best thing was that we won the game. So that was pretty sweet. Like a pussy soaked in apple juice. Thank you! Good night! And have a great weekend!

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