How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Have A Great Weekend!

I don't really have anything (or anything interesting, at least) to say today, so I'll just say, "Have a great weekend!"

FTB

Thursday, February 23, 2006

I Don't Use The Whitening Toothpaste Down There Though

Yesterday some people were outside my cube and they were talking about anal bleaching. Apparently porn stars are having their anuses bleached so that they’re not brown when they show anal close-ups. I was sitting at my cube working very hard as usual when this discussion was taking place, and someone asked me if I did it. I told them, “I do, but I do it for me only. I don’t do that for anyone else.” Then I told them, “And I don’t go anywhere to get it done professionally, either. I just use Crest White Strips.” I think my new co-workers already love me.

My wife is in Miami right now for work, but I talked to her last night when I was done with bowling. We didn’t talk about anything really important, but she did tell me that she really liked Ace Young from “American Idol” and thinks he’ll go far. I didn’t see him on the show, but I know he’ll go far too. Just because of his name, which I’m sure is made up. It just sounds like a rock star name. I wish my parents would have named me “Ace”.

I’m glad that Kid Rock is suing to block the release of his porno with Scott Stapp and skanky groupies. Because I was considering doing the same, just to prevent the world from ever having to see that. I’m pretty sure I’d have gotten some award for that. I’d be a hero. I mean, I don’t even like the idea that something like this even exists, so someone has to stop. God Bless you, Bob Ritchie!

So, uh, yeah…I’ll, um, talk to you later.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Eh

So I lied. My parents weren’t on “The Price is Right” yesterday. They were in line, but apparently it was really long and they didn’t get in. It would have been a really long day for them if they would have done it, because you have to get there at 6 AM for a 2:30 PM taping. So unfortunately, my parents didn’t get to play Plinko. A sad day indeed.

I didn’t mention my thoughts on “Walk the Line” the other day, so here they are: It was a good movie. A well-acted movie. Unfortunately, it came out only a year after “Ray”, which was basically the same movie, in my opinion. Similar time periods, both had brothers that died which haunted them, both cheated on their wives, both did drugs, and both eventually got clean. And the movies had a similar structure. So it was a good movie, but I just felt like I already saw it.

Why would anyone want to watch (much less buy) a porno starring Scott Stapp and Kid Rock? Just curious.

Um, yeah, I guess that’s all for today.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

"Fist Tickle Brick's Mom Or Dad...Come On Down!!!"

I’m really proud of my dad. You see, he and my mom are out in California helping to taking care of my uncle who just had knee surgery. Anyway, while they are out there, they are trying to find things to do to keep them entertained. Actually, my mom is doing that. Which is why I am proud of my dad, because he is going along with all of that. Last week, he went with my mom to a taping of “Dr. Phil”. The funny thing is that apparently it was a really boring episode, and my mom had to keep poking my dad because he was falling asleep (and he’s a LOUD snorer). Anyway, today I am really proud of my dad. My parents had to wake up really early this morning so that they could get tickets to be on “The Price is Right”. That’s right, baby, my parents are gonna be on “The Price is Right”. Hopefully they will get to play Plinko or the mountain climbing game with the yodeling guy (“Yo-de-do-de, yo-de-do-de, yo-de-do-de, doh!”). I told my mom that she needed a shirt that said she was a former “Barker’s Beauty”, but I don’t think she will. My dad is probably going to wear a Kansas t-shirt with his rainbow suspenders, which I’m pretty sure will get him on Contestant’s Row. So besides being really excited for them, I am impressed with my dad. He is really being a good sport. I hope they win another motor home so I can use it for Beer Trip II in August. Yes, I am a selfish bastard.

I don’t know how many people watch “24” and read this, but here is my quick little take on the show this season. I am pretty sure that this show is being written by the White House. They are trying (and being successful) to make President Logan look like the biggest moron/president ever. I don’t care what you think about President Bush; there is no way that he could be as incompetent as Logan is on “24”. There is simply no way possible. Logan even looks stupid, with his tilted head whenever he has a serious issue he has to deal with. The guy who plays him must have learned that in some remedial acting class. And I am pretty sure all of this is on purpose, so that no matter what Bush does, acts, or says, it can’t be nearly as bad as what Logan would do. I’m pretty sure we’ll be hearing that in some White House press conference soon.: “Yes, the President did think it was a good idea to send a SWAT team firing into the orphanage to track down the escaped embezzler, but it was a much better move than what President Logan would have done on ‘24’. He probably would have dropped a bomb on the entire building or even block. So really, you should be grateful that we have President Bush and not someone like President Logan. Next question!” I really believe this.

Well, cross your fingers that my parents will win on “The Price is Right” today. I think the show will be on in March, so if my parents win or are on, I will let you know. Have a great day.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mick Jagger Never Left The Rolling Stones. Well, Okay, He Did, But He Learned His Mistake.

The other day I was driving in my car and I heard an old Genesis song. I think it was “Illegal Alien”, but I’m not 100%. I do know that I thought the song was kinda cool. It got me to thinking though about how when a lead singer of a successful band goes solo, they always immediately become much worse. Think about it. Phil Collins leaves Genesis, a pretty good band, and then he goes solo and starts covering crappy 1960s songs like “Groovy Kind of Love” and “Can’t Hurry Love”. The Police were probably the coolest band on the planet, and then Sting goes solo and his music really sucks (sorry Silky D, but it’s true). Gwen Stefani leaves No Doubt, and then she acts like a 15-year old and proves that she can spell “banana”. But the biggest case has to be Scott Stapp, former lead singer of Creed. I mean, that band really, really sucked. Maybe the worst band of all time (along the lines of Linkin Park, Nickleback, and whatever band backs up Bryan Adams). I mean, they were terrible. And then he goes solo, makes crappy albums that no one buys, gets in a fight with the band 311, and then gets married and arrested the same night. He was a huge piece of crap while he fronted that shitty band, and now he’s an even bigger piece of crap and a laughing stock who’s gonna be in a porno with Kid Rock. Talk about hitting rock bottom. Note to everyone who fronts a band: Don’t go solo. Now you know why Bono’s never done it.

Did anyone see the movie “Broken Flowers” and like it? I’m a big Bill Murray fan, so I rented it this weekend. It wasn’t very good. I’m just curious if anyone who saw it liked it.

I don’t know if any of you watch what might be my favorite show, E!’s “The Soup”, but in case you don’t, you need to click on the link to watch this David Hasselhoff video. Trust me, it is awesome. Have a great day.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Exciting Weekend Plans

Hmm….“What are my weekend plans going to be?” you ask. Well, let me tell you, but first, be sure you are sitting because it is exciting. Um, I’ll be taking my lovely wife to see a movie tonight (probably “Walk the Line”), which we haven’t done since 4th of July weekend. That’s a very long time for me. I think I saw like 4 movies at the theater last year, two of which were “Bewitched” and “Fever Pitch”, so I really hope “Walk the Line” or whatever we see is good. Tomorrow, I will finally do our taxes. I should have done it awhile ago (although I haven’t had a lot of time), because I think we’ll get a nice refund this year. I’ll also watch the KU/MU game. I have no plans on Sunday, except the kid is getting a haircut. That is about the extent of my weekend. Pretty exciting, huh?

I’m a little sad that Johnny Weir didn’t win a medal for the men’s figure skating. But I can’t say that I’m surprised. How could he expect to win when he didn’t skate with his one red glove that he calls “Camille”? He really needed to be a “swan” again, just like he said he was for the short program. But I guess the good news is that he probably considers himself the “prettiest flower in the pond” still. I did like the headline that said, “Weir Flames Out” today. That was kinda subtle. I’m not sure what they meant by that. Anyway, he’s single, ladies! Go get him!!!

Apparently Coldplay is going on a long hiatus, possibly not appearing in public for a long time. I just have to say that this might be the best year ever!!!

Well, that’s it for now. Have a great weekend, and I will try to check in with you on Monday.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Turn And Cough, Madonna!

You know what I hate? When someone asks, “What day is it?” and someone responds with correct day, and then someone else chimes in with, “All day!” If you are the one who does do that, please stop. You look like a fucking idiot and you’re not funny. Quit being a douchebag! That’s my public service announcement for today.

I’m about 95% sure that the government is going to do something drastic in the next few days to get the media off the “Cheney shooting his friend in the face” story. I’m guessing we’re gonna invade another country. I’m guessing it’ll be Norway, because those fuckers have been asking for it for years. Scandinavian pricks!

I read today that Madonna has a hernia. I don’t have any jokes about that, but I’m just curious…how to they check out hernias on women? For guys, they grab our balls and make us turn our heads and cough. What is the female equivalent of that? Again, no joking. I really want to know. Thank you.

I don’t have anything else. I’m slowly getting back into this, so be patient with me. Please.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hello Again!

So, it’s been awhile. How are you all doing? I could go on about me for awhile, but recapping the past few months would mainly be a bunch of stupid/boring crap that none of you would really be too interested in anyway. If you do have any question about anything, feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them. Otherwise, you can just assume that my time was spent at work (although I did get a promotion within my company last month) and hanging out with my wife and kid. Because that pretty much sums it all up.

I usually am not big into schadenfreude, but in the case of Bode Miller, I am really glad that he hasn’t medaled yet in this Olympics. I’m just not a big fan of people who use the media to say things about how they don’t care about the media. I’m sure Bode is really big among the junior high kids, especially because he has said something to the effect of, “If there are rules, I don’t follow them because I don’t believe in rules.” What a bad-assed rebel!!! Following the rules might have helped him with the mogul run yesterday, but he had to be a bad-ass and break the rules by straddling the gate, thus getting disqualified. I think he still has an event left, so maybe he will win something. But I really hope that Ligety wins again instead.

How much of a threat is it for Saddam Hussein to go on a hunger strike? I mean, who cares? I actually think that this is a great idea, as it will be a much cheaper way for him to die than by hanging, firing squad, lethal injection, or whatever they’ll do to him. Just the money saved in meals alone is a bonus. But does anyone really want to stop him from starving himself? I mean, he’s not Gandhi. I just find that all really funny. If a known murderer really wants to starve himself, I’m all for it.

I know this wasn’t a great entry, but I’m just getting back into the mode. I’m not sure how often I will update this, but I will try to do it as much as I can (maybe even a couple times a day). Also, I will not be sending out emails to tell you when it is updated, so if you are interested in this at all, you will have to bookmark this site and check back. I’m just not really interested in getting into trouble at work. So have a great day, and I hope to check back in soon. Love ya!