How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Never Invite Me To Spend The Night, If You Know What's Good For You!

Merry August! July, I hardly knew ya! So how are the rest of you? Why do I even ask, since you never answer me anyway? Fucking assholes! Anyway, my weekend was pretty amazing. Okay, not so much. Friday night I went to bed at 8:45 PM. That‘s pretty awesome. Actually, I went to bed early not only because I was really tired, but because I wanted to get a little rest since Saturday my son and I went up to Mr. C.’s parents’ lake house for the day. You see, my wife was helping out her sister with a bridal show to help out her new business, so I decided to take Mr. C.’s offer to go up to the lake and hang out with the boy and Mr. C.’s family. The first day was pretty relaxing and uneventful, with the exception of my kid taking a crap in his Little Swimmers diapers, which was a blast to clean up. He took a three hour nap while I watched TV by myself, including “Porky’s” (on FX, so there was no nudity) where the infamous “Lassie” scene was going on as Mr. C.’s eight-year-old daughter was coming inside to go to the bathroom. I don’t think I could have changed channels faster than I did. Besides that, the highlight of the weekend had to be when I flooded the toilet on Sunday morning. I swear to you, I didn’t take that big of a crap, nor did I use an over-abundance of toilet paper. Yet, when I flushed (for a second time, as I noticed all the toilet paper didn’t go down the first time (yeah, I know, that should have been my first clue), the toilet turned into a waterfall. I panicked. Pretty bad too, as I was grabbing towel after towel after towel to mop up the mess while sweating profusely. That wasn’t at all embarrassing (heavy sarcasm), since Mr. C.’s mom was there and I had only met her the day before. Plus, Mr. and Mrs. C. were both sleeping, so I had to tell her about it. I felt like a real winner. Luckily all the poop (which again, there wasn’t that much of in the first place) went down the first flush, so I didn’t have to clean up any little turdlings at least. They were all really cool about it, saying that it has happened before there, but I’m guessing that I won’t be invited up to Mr. C.’s parents’ lake house again. Nor will I probably be invited to anyone-who-reads-this’s house ever again. And I don’t blame anyone either. I wouldn’t invite me.

How could the producers of “American Idol” really even consider firing Paula Abdul for allegedly boinking a contestant? Forget that tool William Hung. To me, those accusations were THE highlight of the show’s four seasons. They just can’t get rid of Paula! They can’t! She is a glorious star. She shines, on the inside. She just makes me smile. Maybe she is on drugs, but so what! She was married to Emilio Estevez. You’d be whacked out of your mind too.

Well, that’s all I’ve got today. I am leaving for my beer trip on the 10th, and I will be gone for four work days. If anyone wants to write a guest entry, let me know. I’d be happy to post one for as many of you as are interested. I won’t ask anyone individually, but I’d be more than happy to have a bunch of you write something that you want to. Just send an email to and let me know you’re interested. Thanks.


  • At 7:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dude, don't sweat the small shit...hahahaha I crack me up. Fo real dough, don't worry about it....there would of only been 5 people in the entire world that would of known about it if you decided to keep quiet about it. And 4 out of the 5 have couldn't of cared less about it, you're making a mountian out of a mole hill man.

    Mr. C

  • At 7:16 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that I fully expect a beer-by-beer blog of your trip. Well, maybe not beer-by-beer, but at least take notes so you can tell us about it, eh?

  • At 9:31 AM, Blogger eatmisery said…

    Go to this link to see some interesting insight on Ms. Paula Abdul, from someone who knows firsthand. It's kind of funny. She has many quirks, moreso than the average person.

  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger justrose said…

    I'm just fine, Drake. Thanks for asking!

  • At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ahh Fisty, you still got nothing on me my friend. When I was young I was at a friend's house and took a fairly large and oddly enough green shit. I swear to you just as I pushed down the handle, I heard my friend yell "Don't flush that toilet, it's broke." I thought he was joking since I had already flushed it, but when I opened the door he took off running down to the basement along with his mom. I followed them down still unsure of what was happening, and found them moving their pile of dirty clothes that was on the floor by the washer and dryer. The clothes were all wet, and worst of all, right on top was that fairly large green turd. That is no lie. So don't feel bad Fisty.



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