I'm Not Too Bright
I woke up kinda early on Saturday morning, since Smitty has a daughter who’s 15 months old and was playing at 6:45 AM. I’m used to that, so it was funny to me. Eventually, he told me to go nap in his room if I wanted while his wife was at work and he was playing with his daughter. So I did. I woke up a little later, as I was planning on getting up at 9:30 AM. I looked up at the clock on saw that it was 9:40 AM, so I kinda panicked and got out of bed really quick. I went out there, were Smitty and Timmy were sitting watching “SportsCenter” and Smitty’s kid playing. I looked at the clock and it was only 8:55 AM, and said, “Huh?” Smitty said that his wife likes to set the alarm clock fast 45 minutes, and I just started sobbing uncontrollably for about ten minutes. Okay, only about two minutes. The plan for the day was to have Little Smitty, Six Pat, Shitcel, and Huebnerd (a proud papa as of August 16th) meet us at Smitty’s house at 11:30 AM so we could be on the road at noon. It actually worked pretty well, as we were off at exactly noon. We had to be at the Sprecher Brewery at 12:45 PM to check in for the 1 PM tour. We met Boot and his three ear holes there as well, which was a treat for everyone. The tour was like most brewery tours: explanation of the brewing process, showing of the fermentation tanks, the bottling area, and then the tasting. I’ve seen it before at several places many times, but I know Timmy hadn’t, so I think he liked that part of it. One part that was a little annoying was that Sprecher makes and sells more soda than they do beer, so there were kids on the tour. So they don’t know how to work the tour guide. Instead of waiting until the tasting portion of the tour to ask all their questions, the kids were doing it in the bottling area. It wasn’t really that annoying, but they must have asked a dozen questions. Even the tour guide eventually said, “I will answer the rest of your questions, but let’s head to the tasting room first. I’ll try to answer all of your questions there.” And we were off to the tasting room. I had planned it to where I was standing so that I could get to the front of the line at the tasting room. And after passing about five kids along the way, I was actually the first one in line!!! Are you guys proud of me? Fuckin’ A!!! The tour cost $3 and you got a tasting glass and four tickets for beers. Most of the guys in the group were disappointed with only getting the four samples, but I figured that was the case. That’s better than a lot of places. So the eight of us were drinking our beers and using up our tickets, and Huebnerd gave Timmy and me two of his tickets since he didn’t really like the beer, he was driving, and his wife could have gone in to labor at any time. So that gave us five samples. About ten minutes later, a little boy brought over about five more tickets for all of us to have, so that meant we got six. He came over again about two minutes after that and brought us another bunch of tickets. So that made it seven. Eventually we decided to head out, just before some guy offered us another 20 tickets. We decided it was best to pass, since we still had the Miller tour to go to as well as the Brewers game. Boot left us to go get his washers’ boxes to play washers after the baseball game, so the remaining seven went on the Miller Brewery for a tour. We got on the 3:40 PM tour. The tour was okay. Probably the worst one I had been on, which still was pretty good. And keep in mind that I do like Miller Lite and the “Champagne of Beers”, Miller High Life. You had to watch a 20 minute movie first, and it basically was a 20 minute Miller commercial. Then the walking tour was run by two kids right out of college who had the charisma of stapler and the comedic wit and timing of Stalin. They were about as funny as “Dead Man Walking”. At the end of the tour, you got to try three beers, but the first had to be Miller Lite. I also had a High Life and a Foster’s. And about six bags of the free pretzels. Love them free pretzels. After the tour, we headed off to Miller Park to tailgate and get our tickets. We were meeting the Outlaw up there, and wanted to have all nine tickets together, so we ended up sitting in the club level, which ended up being worth it for me, which I’ll explain in a bit. So we walked in, and it was Lyle Overbay Bobblehead Night, so unlike in Kansas City where they only give them out to 20,000 people, they give one to everyone. They even had “special” ones that had a blue jersey instead of a white one the most people got. I got the blue one, baby!!! How cool am I? (Even my wife congratulated me on that when I got home.) Well, I think maybe the cool bobblehead got to my head, because I was feeling pretty good. Up until the part when I went to go get Timmy and me some hot dogs and beers. I bought them, and then I went over to put some Secret Stadium Sauce on them. Well, I set the tray with the hot dogs and beer on the counter, with the beers on the edge of the table. Well, I put sauce on the first dog, then the second, then the third, and when I grabbed the last one, wouldn’t you know it; the beers fell back onto my lap and on the floor. My leg was soaked, and not only did I feel like a complete dumbass, but I was out the $12 the beers cost. I was pissed. Luckily, we were in the club level, and the club level attendant saw my stupidity and got us free replacement beers, although the cashier was kind of a prick about it. I told him that I appreciated it, and he told, “Hold on!” I told him to take his time, as I was the idiot and they were doing me the favor that I was grateful for. He said, “Listen, I have numbers to account for! Hold on!” Even the attendant told the guy to relax, which I thought was funny. Anyway, the game itself sucked, as the Brewers lost, only had two hits, and scored their only run on a groundout, but we had a great time still. It’s always cool going to a game with over 41,000 there. After the game, we played washers in the parking lot. Also, some of the guys raced each other. It was kinda funny. Boot wanted to race anyone who would race him, like he wanted to prove something. And another thing: some guy with a megaphone was in the parking lot telling everyone how gays were going to hell, and Boot tried to grab his megaphone and talk. The guy eventually went away, and I’m pretty sure got his ass kicked as he went to other parts of the parking lot. We hung out a little longer until the traffic backed off, and just went back to Smitty’s place before going to bed.
Stay tuned for Day Five: The Final Day!
Stay tuned for Day Five: The Final Day!