How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Guest Entry: Mr. C.

Hi pals. I forgot to wish my bro, Geek Brick a Happy Birthday on my blog yesterday, so sorry about that bro. I did try to call him and email him, plus we sent him something, so it’s not like I’m a complete dick. Only about a three-quarters dick. Well, the new fridge was delivered, and it’s a beauty. Unfortunately, the waterline going into it doesn’t work so well, but my good pal Mr. C. said he’d help me fix ‘er up next week. What a swell guy! Anyway, the delivery went well, but I didn’t know if I was supposed to tip the guys or not. I didn’t, but I did give them each a Coke and a bottle of water. I hope that doesn’t make me a dick. Plus, I only had $5 on me, and that would be almost worthless to them. Or just worth $5.

Anyway, speaking of (well, actually writing of) Mr. C., he wrote a nice little blog for me since I knew I was going to be late today and he had a funny Scientology story. So here it goes, my first ever Fist Tickle Brick guest entry. Enjoy!

Hey Kids, it’s Mr. C here with a fill-in blog for my pal Fisty. Fisty and I were talking about how fucked up Tom Cruise is yesterday and I asked him if he had heard about the time I was almost brainwashed by some crazy ass scientologist. He said “No” and so I proceeded to tell him my tale of odd happenings. I will do the same for you here:

So I had just started Chiropractic School and thought that it would be a great idea for me to get a part-time job at a Chiropractor’s office to see how they go about their everyday routine and maybe pick up some helpful pointers along the way. I roll up to this office one evening and inform the lady behind the desk that I would like to speak to the Doctor about a possible part-time job. I have a seat, and wait for a bit. All of a sudden out strolls an Oompa-Loompa informing me that he is the doctor, and my first reaction was Holy FUCK! And I would guess that would be the case for most people, last person you would have expected to see was a make-upless Oompa-Loompa. Anyway, he chit chats with me a bit. I felt uneasy from the get go, and not because he’s small and talks with a lisp, but because he was interested in me taking a few pages out of the phone book and making cold calls trying to get people to come into his office for a “free consultation”. I was way less than enthusiastic about that, but thought what the hell. He also tells me that he would like me to take a test and that he would call me with all the details as to when and where this was to take place. I get the call, I take the long and bizarre test and then a week later I’m supposed to meet with “these people”, a.k.a. scientologist brainwashing freaks. I go in and sit down in this room with no windows and in walks this hippie looking chick with her long, frizzy, straw-like hair and dirty looking tank top. She proceeds to tell me that my test scores are troubling to her. I was like, “Um ok, what’s the issue?” She tells me that from what they could tell was that I was a very negative soul, but with their help and course work I could change that negativity. I was stunned. Me? A negative soul? Well then I started to think they were full of shit (I know you’re thinking wow he is negative). They told me that for $100 here and $100 there and a few more dollars for this leaflet and a couple hundred for a book and with 100 hours of course work I could be on my way to enlightenment. After that sales pitch I positively knew they were full of shit. I was like yeah, probably not my sweet crunchy granola bar. I should of told her for that much money I could be tanked and in a great freaking mood for a month, but instead I simply told my brainwashed hippie gal that all I wanted was a part-time job at a chiropractors office so I could learn how it operates, and that I think I have learned now, how not to run one. I stood up and got the hell out of there before they locked me in that room and hooked me up to their brainwashing machine (which I think was in the corner of the room under a black sheet). I also felt like finding that little Oompa-Loompa fucker and kicking him in his tiny little Chiropractor bean sack for wasting my time. It was truly a fucked up experience.

I hope every one of you has a fantastic weekend, I know I will. I get to hang out with some relative from the homeland, Slovakia. This is their last weekend here in the states and I have promised them some of my yummy BBQ before they go. Love to all!!!!!

Mr. C


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