How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

They're Probably Even Making Fun Of Us In Branson

If you want to torture someone who’s a parent, keep talking to them when they’re holding their baby who has a shit-filled diaper and don’t let them walk away. That’s pretty brutal. It happened to us last night, and man did the boy have some stinky shit. And when the neighbor pulled up to chit-chat, he just kept on talking. Nice guy and all, but after a few minutes of holding him and taking in my boy’s crap smell, it was getting rough. So if you need to get someone, that’s a good thing to do. Just don’t do that to me. Thanks.

Happy Birthday to my pal KD! I hope it’s a great one.

Yesterday at lunch I went to the grocery store. I needed to get a few things like milk, yogurt, and granola bars. When I got there, I practically got stampeded by about a dozen octogenarians who were hurrying for the bus. Hurrying as in going one and a half miles per hour instead of their normal one. Maybe it’s just where I live, but I think the new hangout for old people is the grocery store café. Either that or they just like to ride the bus. Either way, I guess they aren’t hanging out at the VFW playing bingo with Rob Deer anymore. Or feeding pigeons in the park. Now, it’s all about getting the $3.50 calzone and Coke special at the local HyVee. I just don’t think it helps their business though, as I’m a lot less likely to buy impulse food products when I lose all desire to eat after walking through 40 feet of old person smell.

Tonight they’re unveiling the AFI’s Top 100 Movie Quotes of All-Time. Unfortunately, there won’t be any “Napoleon Dynamite” quotes in it, as the most recent quote is from 2002. Damn it all!! I don’t have too much more to say about this, since it’ll be filled with quotes from movies before my parents were even born, but they better have a “Stripes” quote. And I’m pretty sure that the lame line from “The Wizard of Oz”, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore”, will be at the top of this list. So along with that, the kid who got arrested for puking on his teacher in Olathe, and the fact that the state’s government is actually arguing that evolution never happened, my home state of Kansas will become an even greater national joke. Even Mississippi and Kentucky are laughing at us.

2 Comments:

  • At 7:00 PM, Blogger justrose said…

    between eau du babypoo and essence of octogenarian, you sure did have a fragrant day! may i recommend a small smear of vaporub under your nose for those olfactorily uncertain times.

     
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