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Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

"Britney and Kevin: Moronic"

I forgot to mention this before. I watched the last two episodes of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic”, and let me tell you: I is much dummer fer having scene it. Holy crap is this the worst fucking show on TV! Not only does it have the “Blair Witch Project” meets “One Night in Paris” camera work, but the show is just so uninteresting and stupid. Here is what I’ve learned from the show so far:

Britney Spears is dumber than Jessica Simpson, yet she says things that are supposed to be all philosophical and are really much stupider than asking if “Chicken of the Sea” tuna is chicken or fish. At least Jessica doesn’t say things to seem like she’s smart. She’s very likeable in that respect. But Britney is a different story. She said, “I’m not scared of loving someone. I’m scared of being loved by someone.” Huh? I would understand that statement if she meant it in a physical way, but she didn’t. I mean, I’m scared for any woman that is “loved” (i.e. railed, fucked, boned, corn-holed, screwed, etc.) by Kevin. I don’t think there’s enough Valtrex in the world to take care of his STD collection. And she’s said a few other things even dumber that I don’t remember now. Which is good, since I’ve been trying my best to forget everything I saw on the show.

According to Britney, she’s accomplished every dream she’s ever had. I get the being famous, losing her virginity a boy-bander, and being rich part that a young girl would dream about. I just had no idea that one of her dreams as a young girl, growing up in Louisiana, was to marry and get knocked up by a dirty drifter with aspirations of using her money to become rapper. I think she should have set her dreams a little higher in the marriage department, that’s all I’m saying.

Kevin was in “You Got Served”. That alone is hilarious. Britney Spears married an extra from a movie called “You Got Served”. Aw, damn, Britney! Day-um!

If I ever wanted to become bulimic, I think I would just loop the part of the show where Britney tells the camera how great the sex is with Kevin. That makes me gag faster than the smell of coleslaw or pickled beets. I think a little of my granola bar came up just from me writing that.

Anyway, I won’t be watching that show anymore. I took it off the scheduled recordings list of my TiVo. This show isn’t even bad-funny. It’s just bad-horrible-fucking-brain-numbingly-stupid. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it yet, don’t. You will be a much better person for having not seen it. Your time would be much better spent mowing your lawn with fingernail clippers.

Today should be a good day. I get to leave work at 10:30 AM and go to a minor league baseball game. Much better than sitting here at my desk. Well, you have a great day, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe.


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