How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Waste of Skin University

Wow! What an upset! I can’t believe Liverpool came back from a 3-0 halftime deficit to beat A.C. Milan in the UEFA Championship in penalty kicks! Amazing! Oh, you thought I was talking about the “American Idol” karaoke contest. Sorry. Apparently that was a big upset too. I was working, so I didn’t see the big finale, but I guess it was a big shock that the girl beat the long-haired druggie. Congrats! And good luck making all your albums that I won’t buy or ever listen to. Well, I have to be honest. I saw a few moments of the show, which I thought were worth noting (I should have taken off work and done a running diary, I know). My wife showed me that Hasselhoff was on there, and that’s pretty sweet. I couldn’t tell if he was drunk yet or not, but odds are pretty good that he was. Also, I saw that the girl who won was wearing a blazer made out of the same fabric as my grandma’s old couch. That was pretty hot. I wonder if it still had my grandma’s old stink on it. And I saw that they drug out William Hung too. That was great. Is it me is does his head seem bigger and bigger every time you see it? It’s fucking huge, and this is from a guy with a 7 5/8 hat size. He looks like he should be lined up between Woody Woodpecker and Underdog in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Well, I guess you will all have to wait another seven months for the next season, although it appears that this summer they will have some dance-off type shows for your pleasure, which I’m sure will rock. And I really want to try out to be the new singer of INXS, which will be on a show cleverly titled “RockStar: INXS”. Although I’m a little concerned about the whole belt-around-my-throat-while-masturbating portion of the contest. That and the fact that I don’t really like INXS at all. Besides that, I’d love to try out for it.

You thought that Trump University was a dumb name (okay, I did, maybe not so much you), but I saw that Toby Keith’s new album is called “Honkytonk University”. Seriously. I guess he’s jumped a little off the patriot-themed stuff, because I would have expected “Freedom University” or “College of True Americans” instead. Maybe he ran that well dry. But I think that the last school I’d ever want to go to would be one called “Honkytonk University”. Even “Sodomite College” sounds more appealing. I was trying to figure out what departments Honkytonk U would have. I know they’d have School of Trucks, although they might divide it into separate Schools of Ford Trucks, Chevy Trucks, and Dodge Trucks. There would have to be a Fashion School, with minors in Hat Wearin’ and Belt Buckle Polishin’. I’m sure there are upper-level courses in Widdlin’ and “How to Take a Tragic Event and Turn It into Money”, the latter being taught by Lee Greenwood. And I’m guessing the mascot would be the Saddam’s Ass-Kickers, because those t-shirts would sell like hot cakes at NASCAR events, Branson, and flea markets. Everyday I become more and more proud to be an American. A true American.

I fuckin’ can’t stand Toby Keith!


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