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Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Monday Nights With The Wife

Last night after the season finale of “24”, the local Fox station had this investigative report on about a public park where men go to pick up other men, usually during the lunch hour. There is a park by my house where supposedly gay guys go to have some hot gay sex, so we watched it to see if it was that park. Well, it wasn’t. It was some park closer to downtown, and it seemed like the main reason they were doing this whole sting operation was to “clean up” the area before this $80 million condo building is built more than because kids go to the park and they don’t want them trying to make balloon animals out of the used condoms. I mean, that would be my main concern, but apparently making sure that rich people don’t have a view of ball sacks slapping together outside of their condos is of greater concern. Anyway, when the story was done, my wife and I had the following conversation:

Wife: “What do you think those guys are paying for?”
Me: “What the fuck do you think they’re paying for?”
Wife (laughing): “No, I know that. I mean, do you think they pay to get or to give?”
Me: “I have no fucking idea. Probably dealer’s choice. I’m sure if they want to give, they pay to give. If they want to get, they pay for that.”
Wife: “You think they’d pay to take it in the ass?”
Me: “I don’t really know. I’m not really enjoying this conversation.”
Wife: “I think they’d pay to give it. I don’t know why they’d pay to take it.”
Me: “You know dear, I’m pretty sure that 95% of these encounters are for blow jobs. Just a guess. But I don’t know if they like sucking or being sucked better. I really also don’t care.”
Wife: “Really? I think they’d pay to give it to some guy in the ass. Hmm. I don’t know. Aren’t you glad that it’s not (the park by our house)?”
Me: “Yeah, because I don’t think I could ever go home or anywhere close to home for lunch anymore.”

So Donald Trump is opening up his own Trump University, which won’t be a two- or four-year university, but instead be online classes that aren’t even accredited. So basically, you pay for classes that supposed teach you things, although you get no credit for it. They haven’t really gone into much detail publicly about it, but I’ve gotten an advanced copy of the Trump University course catalog (I know, amazing, huh?). Here are some of the classes you can take in your on-going effort to be more Trump-like: “Real Estate”, “How to Make a Casino Go Bankrupt”, “Negotiating Like a Real Douchebag”, “How to Grow the Most Ridiculous-Looking Hair Ever”, “The Word ‘Huge’ and All its Uses”, “The Pre-Nup”, “Marketing Your Ego”, “The Art of Self-Importance”, “Beating a Dead Horse with Reality TV Ideas”, and “How to Come Up with Original Names for your Businesses, Casinos, Buildings, Universities, etc.” Good luck kids getting your learn on!



  • At 7:40 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    "I'm not really enjoying this conversation", "I really also don't care"....somebody's protesting a little too much, if you know what I mean!

  • At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    And if you don't know what I mean, I mean that Fist is gay himself!

  • At 8:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you forgot one of the highlight courses at his school. 'how to decorate in gold"


  • At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah, he'd never go home because he'd never leave the park. Hey Fisty by the way, weren't you calling your back yard "the park" last time I talked to you???

  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger justrose said…

    how DOES he get the trump hair? it's a modern mystery. perhaps there is some secret combover organization that has a handshake and a code of comportment.

  • At 12:18 PM, Blogger Fist Tickle Brick said…

    Doncock - I'M NOT GAY!!!! YOU GO TO HELL!!!

    Doncock- Sorry, I didn't get what you meant the first time.

    King D - My Bad.

    Anonymous - I don't have to pay for gay sex! Er, I mean, I'm not gay. At least I don't think I am.

    Just Rose - You'll have to take the course to find out.

  • At 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    pink ladee says
    If you and your wife have conversations like this all the time, you are the funniest couple in America.

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