How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

23 Is Not Equal to 10

So Jennifer Wilbanks is sorry? Oh, okay. It’s all better now. End of story. We can all move on now, because she said (through her fiancé) that she’s sorry. He also said that her guilt “has got to be consequence enough”. Yeah, I agree. I think the feds should accept that and eat the $60K they spent trying to find her. I mean, she said (through her fiancé) she’s sorry. What more do they want?!?!? Actually, I think the fiancé is an idiot. If that were me, I’d be long gone. The fact that almost everyone assumed that the husband was involved, he had to take a polygraph test, and had insults hurled at him outside his house because the fiancé had “cold feet” (and possibly because of his haircut) and made it seem like a crime had occurred would be reason enough for me to bolt. Sure, it seems like there are more Scott Petersons and Mark Hackings than there are John Masons (at least according to the news and “People” magazine). But the fact that a woman would put her fiancé through all that crap because she was freaking out about the wedding (where she had FOURTEEN bridesmaids!!!) is almost unforgivable, let alone reason to call off the marriage. Oh wait…nevermind. She did say she was sorry, so I guess all is fine now. Go get married you crazy (literally) kids!!!

I cannot stand seeing Chris Berman on ESPN anymore. Not only are his nicknames staler than Journey and his “Back-back-back” calls during the home run derby more annoying that a weekend hanging out with Jake Boot, but now he has on “SportsCenter” every Sunday “Chris Berman’s Top 10 Plays of the Week”. Now I’m all about seeing the highlights of the past weeks’ sporting events, but why can’t he just make a “Top 10” list limited to ten plays. That would make sense, wouldn’t it? This past week’s list consisted of 23 plays! Twenty-three!!! For you mathematically impaired, 23 is not equal to and is more than ten. Around twice as much, I think. I’m not quite positive about that though. And it probably wouldn’t be so annoying if the plays were related, or even plays. One of the “plays” on the list was a goal scored in the English Premier League soccer and a goal in European hockey. How are those two fucking things considered one play? They were scored by different people, in a different sport, in a different country! And for another one the “play” was that Roger Clemens pitched in a game against Greg Maddux. While it’s cool that two pitchers with over 300 wins each faced each other, it isn’t even a play that they are talking about. It’s like me making a “Top 10” list of the things I hate most about Chris Berman and having it go like this:

10. His hair and his clothes.
9. He works with Stuart Scott, and he’s an arrogant a-hole.
8. Marwan on “24” is a rat-bastard.
7. His nicknames, and you guys rarely leave comments on this site lately.
6. His act is as fresh as a “Three’s Company” episode plot.
5. Curtis “My Favorite” Martin, Sammy “Say It Isn’t” Sosa, Andre “Bad Moon” Rison, Napoleon “Turn and” Kaufmann (okay, I made that last one up myself, but think it’s funny).
4. He’s a douchebag, he’s self-important, and he’s not funny.
3. He’s never punched Barry Bonds in the face on camera.
2. Linkin Park made a statement that they want to leave their label because they “feel a responsibility to get great music to our fans”, which makes no sense since they haven’t previously.
1. His “Top Ten” lists have 23 things on them and I really hate “Back-back-back” and know that since I wrote that, everyone of my “friends” will be sure to say that to me every time I watch a baseball game with them. (My friends can really be a bunch of assholes sometimes.)

See, there were way more than ten things on the list, and some of the things had nothing to do with the list subject. Sure, some of the things needed to be recognized, but it didn’t have to be on that list. It’s not that hard to narrow it down to ten, Chris “Roy Munson’s nickname in ‘Kingpin’ was Rub-” Berman.

Blah-blah have a great blah-blah and I’ll blah-blah with you blah-blahs some other blah.


  • At 1:26 PM, Blogger Bassett said…

    Amen! I am so sick of Berman. I can't stand when he sings with tom Jackson... makes me want to puke...

    Don't forget about Linda Cohn!!! She is more than worthy of mockery!

  • At 6:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Pink Ladee-
    I hate his stupid hair the most, who is he trying to fool?! Combovers SUCK and has anyone noticed that he has WAY more hair for special occasions like Sunday Night Football etc.. than he does for just regular old days? Maybe he uses that hair in a can stuff, or shaves his ass and sticks that on his head.


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