How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Monday, April 25, 2005

It Was Great Knowing You, Surreal Lifers!

It’s a little sad seeing the end of “Surreal Life 4”, but it was a pretty good season. I think I’d rank it as the third best, although it was close to Season 1 (Seasons 2, 1, 4, and 3 would be my rankings). I’m wondering if they’re going to do a spin-off type show with Adrienne and Chris. I’d be interested in watching that. I mean, I watched every episode of “Strange Love”, and I don’t really like either Flavor Flav or Brigitte. I like both Chris and Adrienne, and as an added bonus Adrienne is freaking hot. Brigitte is nasty. She is the world’s oldest looking 41-year-old. Anyway, I’m sad it’s over. And I cannot wait for Season 5 to start up.

You know, I really should have done a running diary of last night’s show. If I did, here are a couple of things I would have written:

There’s a scene where everyone is at the final dinner sitting around the table, and they get up to toast something. They show Chyna from behind, and you could see her microphone pack inside of her bikini bottom on her ass. It reminded me of the end of “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” when they revealed Sean Young’s “hemorrhoids”. You know, now I’m not really even sure that was her microphone pack. Maybe Chyna is Ray Finkle?

Do you think in his wildest dreams that Chris ever thought he’d land Adrienne? Ever? Seriously, what do you think going into the show would be his ideal outcome? Maybe people would see him as a great guy, he could get some commercial or guest starring work, and maybe make a few bucks signing autographs at nostalgia conventions (or at http://www.autographedtoyou.com/Christopher-Knight-autograph.htm)? Well he did way better than that. First of all, at least for me, he had a complete image makeover. I thought he was going to be some aging has-been who I’d like, but would just come across to me like Estrada or Coulier did. Now he’s a buff, good looking guy who I’ve had a least a half dozen women tell me was “hot”. Secondly, he came across not only as a nice guy, but he came across as a really cool guy. I didn’t see that coming. And finally, he hooked up with one of the hottest chicks around. Adrienne has cracked my “Top 5” list. If you would have told me that Peter Fucking Brady was gonna have one of the hottest women in the world all over him, I would have told you that you’re a fucking idiot because that’s more ridiculous than Ron Jeremy and Tammy Faye becoming good friends. Marcus Schenkenberg I could have seen her trying to get . I would have almost believed Mini-Me over Chris beforehand. Now I totally get it, and I could even see him land his own sitcom or something. Good for him.

Question of the Day:
I was at a Brewers game last Saturday. Today is Thursday and I still do not have full vocal capability. The blame for this falls squarely on the shoulders of one Scott Rolen. He forced me to heckle him when he booted a warm up "grounder" between innings. Now anyone with any amount of common courtesy would turn around at some point when someone is constantly screaming your name and insulting your mother. Since he took a stand and wouldn't even glance out of the corner of his eye, I was forced to continue my insults. My question is this, if my voice never fully recovers, do I have substantial grounds for a lawsuit? And as a follow up question, if you answer yes to the above question, can you recommend a lawyer since Cochrane is no longer available? Thank you and good day sir.

Six Pat

Dear Six Pat,
Interesting question. I think under normal situations (like if you saw him on the street or at a restaurant) you could sue him. But I think the back of your ticket stub has a disclaimer stating that you can’t sue for losing your voice yelling at a douchebag St. Louis Cardinal. I’m not positive, but I think you’re out of luck. If I am wrong, sue away. As for lawyer advice, I’m not sure where to go. I would not recommend you hiring California attorney Ronald S. Miller, a.k.a. Don Hollywood (http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0421PornLawyer21-ON.html). That would be dangerous. Because I’m pretty sure after having contact with him, you might have to change your name to a Michael Vick approved name (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0405051vick1.html). If I were you, I’d go with Paulie Scotland. I know this hasn’t been ideal advice for you, but I have to tell it like I see it.

Well, have a great week. Mine will be busy, so I will do my best to write my entries early. Love ya!

6 Comments:

  • At 9:01 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    Since you brought up Ron Mexico, go to this site and find out what your Ron Mexico name is: http://gorillamask.net/ronmexico/

     
  • At 9:12 AM, Blogger Fist Tickle Brick said…

    Fist Tickle Brick translates to "Raymond Cayman". That is awesome.

     
  • At 3:55 PM, Blogger justrose said…

    I have linked your blog. I realize this is a dubious distinction, but please try not to be too offended.

     
  • At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Pink Ladee says,
    What I find most interesting about the porn lawyer is that his real name is the same as the main character in Can't Buy Me Love...you'd think he could have kept his real name and just told chicks to hop on the Ronald
    Miller express and do the African Anteater ritual.
    i'd see that porno!

     
  • At 6:54 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    Pink Ladee...I'm embarassed to say that I thought of the exact same thing when I saw Ronald Miller was the lawyers name. Do you think that his nick name is Don Hollywood because some girl he liked in high school thought his name was Donald? (Which is a great name, by the way)

     
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