How About Some More Crap You Can Read?

Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Do You Know Who I Am?!?!?

You know what I think would be funny? If every time someone got pulled over by the cops, he/she would respond, “Do you know who I am?!?!?” I mean, celebrities do it all the time (allegedly), so it would be interesting to see how a cop would respond if some nobody like me said it. Maybe they’d even let me off without a ticket if they had a sense of humor. I think I’d say that to a cop, and when he gave me a puzzled look I’d just say, “Sorry, I heard Webster got out of his ticket by saying that, so I thought I’d give it a shot.” If I were a cop I’d let someone off who said that. But then again, I’m not a power-hungry prick.

I’ve really become a fan of “The Office” lately (the NBC one, as I’ve never seen the BBC one). It’s actually made me laugh out loud a few times. Anyway, lately at my work, I felt like I was a part of the show. It’s been odd. First of all, one of my coworkers told our manager that he was “The Voice of the Team” and was serious. I thought at first that the “Dwight” character on the show was a little over-the-top, but not anymore. That was very Dwight-like, and it found it hilarious. I like the guy, but man, that was pretty fucking arrogant. Anyway, I told my boss that I was “The Heart and Soul of the Team”. Also, my company is currently in a “March of Dimes” drive too. Some of you know that the “March of Dimes” is a charity that’s pretty close to my heart, as they work to help premature babies survive, and someday they may be able to save babies who were born premature like my daughter Lily, who would have turned two years old tomorrow. So I know that the charity is a serious thing, probably more than anyone else I know. It actually still tears me up thinking about it, and with all the March of Dimes posters, emails, and stickers that I see at work every day, it gets me down a little. Anyway, they have all these things going on for it: “Jeans Day”, stuffed animal sales, silent auctions, and a “carnival” at my work. The carnival consisted of two coolers of soda, a popcorn machine, an ice cream truck, and a “stroller derby”. The stroller derby was some relay race where the teams went around with a doll in a stroller and changed the doll’s diaper, clothes, and rocked and burped the doll (I think). It was pretty fucking stupid. One team of guys even wore dresses. And these people were taking it very seriously. In one of the heats, these two guys got tangled up and a guy fell over. It would be impossible for me to explain in words how stupid this was. The best I could do is say that it was as stupid and embarrassing as watching Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith, and Corey Feldman having a spelling contest would be. I only stayed to watch it because the alternative was going back to my cubical to work, and it was a much tougher decision than you’d think.

Last night at volleyball I made a funny joke, but no one laughed at it. See if you get it. We were playing, and a ball was hit near Nick who had his hands on hips. My wife and brother-in-law were giving him crap about it. My wife said, “Not having your hands on your hip is Nick’s Rule!” And I said, “I thought Nick’s Rule was just to not get any in his eye.” Maybe my porno-related humor just isn’t broad enough.

Well, you have a great weekend. Or not. What do I care? Actually, I do care a lot. Maybe too much. So much that it hurts. I love you guys. Well, at least a few of you.


  • At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Doncock said…

    Yeah, cuz Nick's gay and likes to go down on guys! Not really, but I think that's what Fist was going for. Hey, here's as good a time as any to tell the joke I heard this morning. What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little crackers.

  • At 12:07 PM, Blogger justrose said…

    i got it. and i'm pretty dim and humorless. so i think it was broad enough.

  • At 4:24 AM, Blogger retarius said…

    pretty good stuff, you remind me of a guy from Craplakistan i knew years ago...

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