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Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Monday, March 14, 2005

SHAVE HER HEAD NOW!!!!!!!

Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe I just have a different sense of humor than I used to or people think I have, but several people recommended “Napoleon Dynamite” to me. People said things like, “You will love it!” and “It is your kind of movie.” I have to say with all honesty, it was one of the stupidest movies I’ve ever seen. It was pretty brutal. It wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen (still either “I am Sam” or “The English Patient”). A few things were redeeming about it, most notably the fact that it was only an hour and a half long. The fact that Lazlo from “Real Genius” was in it was a bonus. Oswald from “The Drew Carey Show” also helped its cause. But still, this movie was pretty bad. The only times I sort of laughed at it was when I saw Napoleon’s brother, who looked almost exactly like Mr. Crazy Pie who I work with, and when the girl came to the door and said she was making money for college and someone said, “Your mom goes to college!” and that wasn’t even that funny. The rest of it was just fucking dumb. Napoleon snapping and saying “Jeez” at people for little things wasn’t funny. A dune-buggy driving grandma wasn’t funny. Putting tator-tots in a pocket isn’t funny. Trying to use a time machine wasn’t funny. I feel like a dumber person for having seen this movie, and that’s hard to do. And it cost $3.95 to rent on PPV. My wife thought even less of it. How this movie became a cult hit is beyond me. Maybe I need to start writing screenplays, because watching a borderline retarded/social misfit playing tetherball by myself isn’t funny. It’s not even close to funny. And the thing is, I know that several of you probably loved it, even people who I usually see eye-to-eye with. I’m almost 100% positive that if Jake Boot saw it he loved it. He probably bought it and quotes in ten times a day thinking he’s hilarious. But holy crap! That was probably the biggest movie disappointment ever since “The Blair Witch Project”.

By the way, I’m not saying it was the best show, but I wish they would continue with “Celebrity Fit Club”. I’d like to see everyone keep going, but I think that maybe one or two of the “celebrities” will keep at it without the pressure of having to show up on TV every other week. And the further demise of Daniel Baldwin would at least make for some entertaining viewing.

Easily the worst commercial on TV is the Sarah Jessica Parker Gap commercial where she sings, “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” It probably wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t played ten times an hour, but Jesus Fucking Christ it is fucking annoying. All day I hear her singing, “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” and it’s making me crazy. I wake up and get the dogs their food and it’s “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” I jump in the shower and it’s “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” I take a crap, and all my head hears is “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” I’m changing my son’s shitty diaper, and instead of singing “Old McDonald” all I can think of is “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” I make dinner, and it’s “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” I lay in bed at night and it’s “When I get a brand new…hair-do!” Would someone please shave that bitch’s fucking head?!?!?!? Fuck!!!

6 Comments:

  • At 8:25 AM, Blogger Doncock said…

    Damn, sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays. Pizza Shooters anyone?

     
  • At 8:27 AM, Anonymous kathy kersting said…

    If it makes you feel any better all day yesterday I had Ashley Simpson's song (that she was booed for at the Orange Bowl) in my head. Talk about YUCK!

     
  • At 8:48 AM, Blogger c'dude said…

    Everyone should shave their head. Life would be a lot easier.

     
  • At 8:55 AM, Blogger JP said…

    I have to disagree with you on the commercial thing. I think the Burger King commercial with Hootie and Brooke Burke (I think that's her name) is the most horrid ad on TV right now.

    But Don's right...Monday's suck.

     
  • At 8:55 AM, Blogger JP said…

    I have to disagree with you on the commercial thing. I think the Burger King commercial with Hootie and Brooke Burke (I think that's her name) is the most horrid ad on TV right now.

    But Don's right...Monday's suck.

     
  • At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Pink Ladee says...
    I am really suprised that you didnt' like Napoleon Dynamite. You must be the type of person who needs a plot to like a movie. I loved that movie cuz it is really quotable. It's full of one liners, which I love and seems to be the kind of movie that gets better retroactively.

    You didn't even like the "I love technology, not as much as you you see, but I still love technology..." part???

    Tina, come get this ham!

     

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