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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Beer, Glorious Beer!

Alcohol has had a bad run lately. First of all, my friend Caddylac has given up beer for a while, as he trains for a mini-triathlon. Then Tracey Gold gets probation for her drunken driving charge with her kids in the car. Pat O’Brien is in rehab for what he calls “a problem with alcohol.” Michael Jackson allegedly gave little boys alcohol before he blew them. “The Osbournes” is going off the air, so that’ll mean less wine money for Ozzy. But perhaps worst of all, Heidi Klum is pregnant with Seal’s baby. That can only be explained by Klum getting really, really, really drunk one night and mistaking Seal for Taye Diggs. Anyway, the repeal of Prohibition happened 72 years ago, and I think that we as Americans need to do more good with alcohol. It’s done so much good for us. I mean, it brought me my son (re-read the Heidi Klum sentence again and replace “Klum” with “my wife”, “Seal” with “Fist Tickle Brick”, and “Taye Diggs” with “Ben Affleck”). So today, go out, get drunk, and paint an orphanage, donate money to March of Dimes, and/or pick up litter on the side of the freeway. Well, scratch that last one if you are really drunk and stumbling, because that will only make alcohol’s case look worse. Yea beer!!!

5 Comments:

  • At 10:02 AM, Blogger c'dude said…

    I dunno what Caddylac's problem is... Saturday night the wife and I went out, and I had 2 Guinness, a glass of Merlot, a Long Island iced tea, a gibson, and a shot of 18-year old scotch in a three hour period. Oh, then a screwdriver and a shot of chocolate vodka someone wanted me to try, once we got home. Sunday I woke up and rode 70 miles. What's the deal, man? Beer. The New Sport Drink. Hydration, carbs, and pain killer - all in one convenient package. Ride on.

     
  • At 10:04 AM, Blogger c'dude said…

    ...and the best way to keep the paceline off your ass the next day is to smell like a brewery and fart like a dead seal on a diet of sausage and broccoli.

    Draft off this, sucka.

     
  • At 6:35 AM, Blogger Doncock said…

    Does sausage and/or broccoli kill seals?

     
  • At 9:55 AM, Blogger c'dude said…

    ...might... but I just got PEDA off my backside from that whole water buffalo trick I pulled last summer. Not willing to risk it.

     
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