I won’t be making any jokes about Johnnie Cochrane dying because of inoperable brain tumors (although I would never have guessed that he was 67 years old). You see, my aunt right now has several brain tumors and is apparently near the end of the line. I don’t think I would be slamming anyone in my family if I said that she was easily the sweetest, kindest person in my family. She’s really a terrific lady, and knowing that she’s going down like this is hard to take. I wish I didn’t live about 1700 miles away so I could lend some support. She’s awesome.
On to a lighter topic…Well, the cast of “Surreal Life 5” has been announced, and it’s apparently supposed to be an “Evil” cast, at least according to the E! Online story my friend Liz sent to me. Here is the new cast:Carey Hart
: At first I was really excited, but then I realized that it was “Carey” and not “Corey”. So then I was really disappointed. I know nothing about this guy, except that he’s a motocross guy and he didn’t sing “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night”.Janice Dickinson
: I’ve never seen “America’s Next Top Model”, but apparently she’s a real bitch on the show. So she’ll be interesting. She apparently coined the term “supermodel”, which I guess made her a supermodel. She seems pretty attractive enough. I was looking online to find more stuff about her, and apparently she’s had sex with Sylvester Stallone (only the second of the “Surreal Life” alumni to have done so (Brigitte Nielsen), and I’m guessing Angie Everhart will be on “Surreal Life 6 or 7”), John Cusack, Liam Neeson, Kelly LeBrock, Grace Jones, Mick Jaggar, Prince Albert, Warren Beatty, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Jack Nicholson, and Frank Zappa. After reading that list, I would imagine that she’s had sex with more women than I have (which isn’t really saying a lot). She’s also been married three times to people who I haven’t mentioned already. But I think my favorite thing about her is that she recently (and maybe event currently, I couldn’t verify it) dated Jon Lovitz. I think I’ll like her a lot.Omarosa
: This is one that I called, so no one should be surprised by this. I’ve never seen “The Apprentice” for a whole episode, but apparently she’s a real clit (as my pal Caddylac likes to say). So they thought it’d be great to throw her into the mix. I guess it’ll be interesting. Apparently she used to be some beauty queen, but I find her to be weird looking. Not ugly, just weird. For some reason she reminds me of Venus Williams. I think I won’t like her, much like I didn’t like Feldman or Traci Bingham, but I also thought I wouldn’t like Jerri Manthey, and I like her a whole lot.Caprice
: She’s a British supermodel, and she is really hot. I am hoping that she is not like Brande Roderick was from the first season, who was also hot but really just not interesting or a person that I liked much. I honestly don’t know anything else about her except she’s kinda perty.Bronson Pinchot
: Balki from “Perfect Strangers”. I think on my last website, I predicted that Mark-Linn Baker was going to be on someday, so I count this as being half-right. Actually, he is more than Balki. He was good in “True Romance” and “Beverly Hills Cop” too. I’m pretty certain that he’ll be the likable Coulier/Estrada/Chris Knight guy from this season. But I do hope that they all call him “Balki”, because that’s just funny. Actually, I think it’d be funny if he just came in and talked like Balki the whole time, calling Carey “Cousin Carey”. That would make the show.Sandi Denton
: She was “Pepa” from Salt’n Pepa. I have a strong feeling that she’ll be really cool. She’s not Spinderella, but I think she’ll do just fine. I think she won’t be a bitch like Da Brat, bring back the good name to all female rappers. At one time she was one of the most physically improved females, as the last picture I saw of her she looked kinda hot. When I saw her in Salt’n Pepa, I thought she wasn’t so nice to look at. I’m hoping she kept it up, and I have a feeling she’ll be awesome. And it would be cool if Treach (from Naughty by Nature, her ex-husband) came in like Chyna’s ex-boyfriend did and caused some friction. You couldn’t go wrong with that.Jose Canseco
: I cannot prove this at all, and I doubt that I mentioned it to anyone, so you’ll probably think I’m full of shit. But on St. Patrick’s Day, when I took half the day off to watch the NCAA Tournament and the games got boring, I turned to ESPN to watch the Congressional hearing on steroids. While I was watching it, I kept thinking that Jose Canseco would be on the next installment of “Surreal Life”. This guy is so in need of being in the public eye that he probably called VH-1 to be on it. Bonus points for dating Madonna, although even Vanilla Ice did that (Actually, I’m wondering if everyone on this show has slept with Madonna. I’m guessing the over/under is about 45%). I think the most interesting thing about Canseco though will be the drinking game that I just invented while watching “Surreal Life 5”. Every time Canseco does one of his trademarked double-blinks (although not literally trademarked), take a drink. Anytime he mentions something that he did back in his playing days that you know is an obvious lie (like when he says he used to run a 4.2 40), take a drink. Whenever he mentions his book “Juiced”, take a drink (if you did that during the Congressional hearing, you’d have been drunk within the first 15 minutes). Anytime they either show or you just think of the time that baseball hit him on the head in the field of play and then went over the fence for a home run, finish your beer. I think by doing this, “Surreal Life 5” would be your favorite season ever.Hook-up odds
: Bronson and Caprice – 15 to 1; Canseco and Pepa – 10 to 1; Janice and Omarosa – 7 to 2; Janice and anyone else – 4 to 1; the field (excluding Janice Dickinson, with the exception of a three-way or more) – 6 to 1.
What are your thoughts on the cast of “Surreal Life 5”? I think it’ll be pretty good. Maybe not Season 2 good, but it should blow away Season 3, at least. Let me know what you think.