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Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Where Do They Come Up With This Comedic Gold?

Every once in a while, something happens that I just cannot explain. One such thing is a little thing I like to call the “How the fuck did someone green-light this movie idea?” phenomenon. Some movies that fall into this category are “Gigli” (a crook tries to kidnap the retarded brother of a lesbian federal prosecutor, yet in the process falls in love with and turns her into a heterosexual), “Hollywood Homicide” (“Hey, let’s see what crazy hi-jinx will happen pairing an older Harrison Ford with a younger Josh Hartnett as two cops who are so insanely different from one another, yet get made partners!”), and “The Other Sister” (“Let’s make a movie about two retards who fall in love and get married, but let’s really work the retard-angle shamelessly and ridiculously to make it an absolute shit-fest!”). Well, there’s a new one coming out tomorrow, and I am certain that this will be along the same lines as those that have come before it. “Hitch” stars Will Smith, the man who starred in such classics as “The Legend of Bagger Vance” and “Wild, Wild West”, as the title character who is an anonymous “love doctor”. (Warning: Severe sarcasm ahead!) What Hitch does is help even the most incompetent of men with their relationships with women. He’s so damn smooth, he can even help out a fat, white guy! I mean, that takes some talent, because fat, white guys are so fucking lame. He’s apparently famous for helping out losers, and some gossip columnist is checking out one of his fat, white guy clients who is wooing some celebrity. While doing so, Hitch falls for the gossip columnist, who might just reveal to the world who he is. But here’s the wacky, unpredictable twist: Okay, get this. This is gold. When Hitch tries to woo the columnist himself (chuckle), he ends up not being so smooth. Hahahaha!!! He actually becomes a clumsy oaf himself (tee hee!), and continuously keeps doing and saying the wrong things! How zany is that?!?!? Woo! Oh man! That is good stuff. I mean, you’d think after giving away all his advice over the years to where he becomes a sort of a legend that he’d just dazzle this woman. But oh no, my friends…think again! This guy becomes just like one of the lame, fat, white guys that come to him for help! Oh shit! That is good, fucking stuff. How original is that?!?!? I don’t think that they’ll need to even have a category with five nominees for Best Original Screenplay for next year’s Oscars. We have a winner! And it definitely doesn’t hurt that the director is the same guy who directed “Fools Rush In”, “Sweet Home Alabama”, and an Olsen Twins movie. I only hope that they have a midnight showing tonight, because I can’t freaking wait! Oh man, that is rich!


  • At 9:00 AM, Blogger Pink Ladee said…

    For once, JUST once can Will Smith please not play Will Smith??? (other than Ali, which they mananged to make so completely boring no one could watch the whole thing) Even in Shark Tale, it's his stupid face and ears.

    Maybe this movie would be better if Carlton was in it.

  • At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Is the big fat white guy in the Will Smif movie Tim Grunhard....He could easily play hisselfs(doh) in a movie where a white dude needs lessons in coolness. If anybody ever needed help being smoof is would be ole' Grunny the nad sac.

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