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Here you can read about crap, stuff, or whatever you want to call whatever I write.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Really? I Had a Buddy Who Was From Uranus!

This weekend was pretty much uneventful. Friday night we bought Mrs. Brick’s parents dinner, and hung out with them until the boy needed to go to bed. Saturday was spent helping a friend move some of her stuff into our basement to store, as she is leaving to join the Peace Corps this week, grocery shopping for baby food, and watching the boy as Mrs. Brick went to a going away party for our Peace Corps-joining friend. Sunday was spent watching the boy and the Super Bowl, which was pretty boring. I didn’t find the game that interesting, and I didn’t really think any of the commercials that I saw were that outstanding. At least not as funny as the Viagra/Enzyte/Cialis parody that that they had on “The Simpsons” for a product called “Jamittin”. Now that was funny.

I mentioned the other day about the timeshare tour and the horrible salesman that gave us the tour. Well, I never mentioned how much I hate those sales pitches and the salesman who give them. First of all, I hate high pressure sales. There is no way that I would put down $2,000 and pledge $200 a month for eight years from a 90-minute presentation. It’s just not something I could do. Secondly, I hate it when people that I don’t know tell me what the responsible thing to do with my money is. How the fuck do they know? Also, I told them what my job was when I got there, and from then on out they kept acting like I was a computer programmer, which I’m not. I even told the lady who checked us in that I was definitely not a programmer, but she still wrote that on the sheet they handed to the salesmoron, and he kept talking about computer programming stuff during the tour that I had no idea about. He was talking about certain codes, and Mrs. Brick even told him again that I wasn’t a computer programmer, but yet he kept talking about it, except when he was telling my wife about what drugs he was taking and how much he likes to drink. But I think the thing that annoys me the most about those timeshare presentations (I’ve had two now) is that no matter where you are from, the salesperson either used to live there or has a buddy or relative who lives there. No difference with this last time. We came in, and dumbass me was wearing a “KANSAS” jacket. So they knew I wasn’t a local. So when I got to the table, the guy was like, “Oh, my buddy lives in Kansas.” I asked where, figuring that the only three cities he’d know would be Wichita, Topeka, or Kansas City. Sure enough, it was Kansas City. And then the guy’s “uncle” came over, and he used to live in Wichita too, and Kansas City once we told him we lived in a KC suburb. We asked where, and his response was “You know that really busy street? Um, I gotta help this other couple. Nice meeting you folks.” And he walked away. Later on, a couple said that they were from Raleigh, and you wouldn’t believe it but our salesmoron had an uncle who was a cop there. What a small world? I’m sure dude has uncles who live in all 50 states and in each of the 150 top media markets too. I think if I ever get stuck in another one of those things, I should just play along with the salesperson and ask questions about the “relative” and act like I know people at that job too. It’d be like this:

Salesdork: I have an uncle who’s a cop in Wisconsin.
Me: Really? Where?
Salesdork: Um, in Milwaukee.
Me: Really? Do you know which precinct or area?
Salesdork: Um, downtown.
Me: No way! What’s his name?
Salesdork: It’s, um, Haywood Jablomee.
Me: Hold on a second. (taking out cell-phone and dialing) Hey, Uncle Tom. It’s me, Fist Tickle Brick…Yeah, I’m at this timeshare presentation in Vegas, and this guy said his uncle was in the force up there in Milwaukee….I know. What a small world, huh?...Do you know a Haywood Jablomee? He thinks he’s downtown…Uh-huh…(Turning to salesdork) He says there’s no Haywood Jablomee in the force. You sure about that?

I’d just like to see their reaction. I think that’d be funny. You probably don’t, but that’s just me.

Well, that’s it for now. I had a meeting this morning, so I am short on time. Take it easy.


  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger Geek Brick said…

    I like getting the phone calls from people wanting to sell me timeshares in Orlando. I reply by asking them if they have anything in someplace nicer, like Gary or Newark, which confuses the hell out of them.

    Welcome back, and I presume you can guess who this is. ;)


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